Birthday Guilt

There's something that happens to me around this time each year... something I've labelled Birthday Guilt. It happens when the questions start - what would you like for your birthday? what do you want for your birthday? what can I buy you? The birthday guilt comes to a head on the day... August 12th. 

If you ask my family or friends, they'll tell you that each year I tend to give one or two answers - usually it's nothing or I don't need anything. But I don't just say that because I'm being indecisive or don't want to tell you what I want. 

You see, I'm great at birthday's - but only when they're other people's. I will spoil my family and friends with presents, make cakes and make their days extra special - but when it comes to my own birthday, I'm usually struck with a case of birthday guilt and try to do as little as possible. 

Source

I've always been a giver rather than a taker - and when I was younger, that was to the extent where I guess you could have called me a push-over. If I was about to eat the last piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and someone said "Oh I wanted that" - I'd give it to them - regardless of whether they'd had 3 pieces and I'd had none at all - or whether I really wanted that chocolate cake. A lot of that is because I like to avoid conflict like the plague - I'd rather the other person be happy than angry at me (because I'm one of those annoying people who doesn't get angry - just cries)

The same goes with presents and gifts. I will give until I can't give anymore - but I'm not good at taking. 

Usually for my birthday, I'll ask for essential things - things like clothes that I know I'm going to wear over and over and are worth someone spending money on. This year I'm turning 21 and my family and friends feel the need to buy me something special - but really I don't think there's anything special-er than what I have. 

I'm someone who practices gratefulness every single day - and it's a huge part of my life. I feel like I have so many incredible blessings - a loving fiance, a puppy who melts my heart, a family who would do anything for me, close friends who have stuck by us through thick and thin, a blog which brings me so much joy, a successful business, a zest for life, an incredible relationship with God - so I don't feel like I need anything in the material sense. I've found my passions in life and I couldn't be happier. 

I finally have Jesse here on my birthday, I'm getting married just 2 months after my birthday, I'm having a combined birthday party/wedding shower with the friends and family I love so much. How can you ask for anything more? I know what you're thinking - did I combine my birthday with our wedding shower to take away some of that birthday guilt? Partially yes, but really I wanted a wedding shower with no birthday party.

Birthday Guilt is something I know I can't be the only one suffering from - but it's also something I need to get over. I have trouble with anyone spending their money on me as I know they don't have endless bank accounts and I would much rather they use their money on the things they need. But I do know that to my family and friends, it's their way of expressing their love/friendship - just as I do when buying presents for other people. 

Sure I'd love to have myself and my family to pack up our bags and have all of us hop on a plane and go on a vacation - to Disneyland or to be with Jesse's family - but that's not possible. There are many non-material things I'd love to have that just aren't possible right now - I'm an experience person and a memory person - I love nothing better than to experience something with my family/friends that I'll remember for the rest of my life - and there's nothing more satisfying than opening my memory box and seeing the little bits and pieces I have saved to remember those moments forever.

I'm someone who doesn't like the attention to be solely on them - I like to share the spotlight. I'm also someone who likes to share their blessings - but sometimes, I need to realise that I really do deserve those blessings myself. 

But tell me, are you someone who loves when your birthday comes around? 

Or are you more like me and dread the Birthday Guilt? 

If money was no issue, what would you ask for right now? 
Me? I'd want to take my family, myself and Jesse to Louisiana. His Pawpaw has been unwell and has been in hospital and had a quadruple bypass and I'd love nothing more than to have our whole family together. Unfortunately that's a very expensive wish. I'd also love to completely redecorate my sister's room for her. 

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